Any little (South Carolina) boy can be president? Not a chance.

Native son Steven Colbert is a gone goslin’. South Carolina Dems couldn’t get his name off the primary ballot fast enough. In a 13-3 vote, the Democratic Executive Council rejected a Colbert candidacy. The repercussions — for the South Carolina Democratic Party in general and the Obama campaign in particular — are right tawdry.
Online howling commenced with a bang bigger that the first shot fired in the Civil War which, for those of you who don’t know your history, was fired by South Carolinians. Political bloggers and commenters alike are on us like white in rice. Clearly, South Carolina Democrats are not really, well, democratic. Obama supporters are at fault, the power behind the Democratic/democratic lapse. It’s tacky bidness down here in Dixie.
Inez Tenenbaum, former superintendent of education and a member of the Obama camp, lobbied to get Colbert’s name off the ballot. She said she could not imagine Iowa or New Hampshire “letting a comedian on the ballot.” And we sure do want to be like those folks. Don Fowler, longtime S.C. pol and former chairman of the DNC, maintains that, while there was some concern among Obama supporters about losses in the young voter demographic, it was not the reason he opposed a Colbert candidacy. He compared Colbert to Nader in 2000; a bit of a stretch, if you ask me.
Here’s the truth as we Palmetto State liberals see it: Barack Obama had nothing to do with this. Fowler hit the Confederate nail on the head when he said “[South Carolina] would be the laughingstock of America.” Council member Lumus Byrd, who voted in favor of Colbert, said we would be exposed to ridicule. All the things we don’t like aired in public — the wrong flag flying in all the wrong places, lousy schools, our dicey racial history — would be fodder for Comedy Central and the nation. For a South Carolinian with identity issues (and we sure, Lord, have ‘em), a Colbert candidacy is anything but Comic Relief. We’ve got problems enough down here. Politics is only funny after prime time. Late at night. On cable. We Southern liberals dose up on Jon Stewart, Steven Colbert and Bill Maher like public policy Prozac. They keep us from imploding.
It’s not fair to blast S.C. Democrats for political hanky-panky. What we’re guilty of is piss-poor political management. In this state, Republicans are much better at the machinations of slate-building. They have a built-in filter for ensuring their candidates are worthy: It costs $25 thousand to get your name on their primary ballot in the first quarter. By the time Colbert threw his clown hat in the ring the Repub filing fee was a cool 35 grand. It takes some serious bucks to run as a right-winger. Democrats, in true egalitarian fashion, charge about $2,500. Colbert refused to pony up the GOP’s asking price. Too much to pay for a satiric candidacy. He’s a comic — not a total fool.
That left the Left as the sole loser in the event of a Colbert Comeuppance; in a close primary race, a few thousand votes impacts the outcome. Not fair. We’re sick of losing. It makes us right cranky.
Let’s face facts; even if the Right didn’t charge out the wazoo, those guys don’t have the sense of humor God gave a huntin’ dawg. Colbert would be unlikely to cost them any “real” votes. When they vote funny it’s because they’re laughing ... all the way to the Corporate America Military-Industrial Complex National Bank. And that’s the truth(iness).


Linda Hansen has been a published working writer and poet for over twenty years. She has a love/hate relationship with politics.