Deaf, Dumb and Blonde: TV, ratings, and bimbo eruptions

MSNBC and CNN. Chris Matthews and Larry King, Ann Coulter and Paris Hilton. The vamping of hate-speak and the dumbing down of America. For ratings. For profit. And I watched. I should be ashamed.
Matthews hosted Arsenic-tongued Ann, who did her poisonous shtick in front of a live--and very young--audience. She went after John Edwards with a vengeance. Having already said “I’ll just wish he’d been killed in a terrorist assassination plot”, Coulter couldn’t resist making reference to the Edwards’ son, who was killed in an auto accident in the ‘90s. Edwards, she snarled, sports a bumper sticker on his car that reads “Ask me about my dead son.”
Elizabeth Edwards, having heard quite enough, phoned in. She did Southern womanhood proud. “I ask her politely to stop the personal attacks,” she said. “I’m the mother of that boy who died. These young people behind you, you’re asking them to participate in a dialogue...based on hatefulness and ugliness instead of the issues...I don’t think that’s serving them or this country very well.”
Coulter tried shouting over Mrs. Edwards while Matthews sputtered. We had one screamer, one stutterer and a single, Southern voice of reason.
Over at CNN, Larry King bumped an hour scheduled with Michael Moore, whose new documentary focuses on insurance company greed, the underinsured and a failed healthcare system. Why? Because Paris Hilton, sprung from jail, had something important to tell us. “I just want to let people know what I’ve been through,” she simpered. Going to jail “...was the most terrifying day of my life.” Truly, it was a nightmare for poor Paris. She did discover the Bible. She read it, she said, and used her jail time to “Figure out who I am.” I waited for the revelation. Here’s what I learned from the new, improved Paris:
Her DUI: She had only one drink. Honest. It was all unfair, really. People tell lies and the public doesn’t really understand her. Jail was, like, traumatic. The cell was tiny (only about 8’ x 12’) and she suffers claustrophobia. She closed her eyes a lot, pretending to be somewhere nice. She’d like to “help” women in jail--but that statement was the extent of her plan. She’s busy taping her TV show and will make two movies this summer. She’s an Aquarius, and that makes her a “social” person.
Oh--and “I found out a lot about myself,” she said humbly. So King asked her to name something she’d change about herself. Here it comes at last, I thought. Her born again wisdom. Paris took a deep breath. Whenever she’s nervous or shy, she said, her voice gets all, like, high and squeaky. She’d like to change that.
Ann and Paris are two sides of the same American coin. The vicious and the vapid, famous for doing nothing of value. I watched. I listened. And I needed a shower.

Linda Hansen has been a published working writer and poet for over twenty years. She has a love/hate relationship with politics.